


Dear Diary, Something is Missing

by thevibrantruby



Category: Jem and the Holograms (Cartoon), Jem and the Holograms (Comics), Jem and the Holograms - All Media Types
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25137193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevibrantruby/pseuds/thevibrantruby
Summary: Jarrica shares her thoughts on the events leading to the  tragic death of Jerrica and Kimber’s mother, Jacqui Benton,  through a series of diary entries.
Relationships: Aja Leith/Craig Phillips, Jem | Jerrica Benton/Rio Pacheco, Kimber Benton/Jem | Jerrica Benton
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

January 30th, 1979

Dear Diary,

Mom is leaving us AGAIN. I overheard her and dad talking about it last night, but she finally told all of us tonight over dinner. I was absolutely furious. I still am. I’m trying everything that I can to calm myself down, but I can’t shake this burning feeling of anger that I have stirring inside of my heart. Kimber and the others appeared sad, but I was LIVID. When she announced that she was leaving, I told her exactly how I felt in front of everyone. I told her that I felt that it was extremely selfish for her to up and leave the way she does all the time now, and that it doesn’t seem like she cares about us or even loves us. She tried to plead with me and tell me that she does care and would like to be around more, but I know that was just a bullcrap attempt at trying to make me feel better. I told her that I didn’t believe her and stormed off to my room, too upset to even clear my plate. Dad tried to call after me, but I wasn’t interested in listening to him either. All he’s going to do is justify mom’s absence from home even more than she does!! Gosh, he’s such a pushover sometime!! This is already the third trip that she’s taken this year and it’s ONLY January. She says that it’s because she’s a popular singer and she has to perform to help provide for me and Kimber and the Starlight home, but she barely spends two weeks at home with us before hopping on a plane and jetting off into the sky. She leaves all of the upkeep of the Starlight house and raising all of us girls. It’s as if we’re being neglected again. My new sisters, Aja and Shana have already had to deal with feeling unwanted, neglected, and unloved, so how could she remotely think that this is good parenting! She’s already missed out on so many things that we have going on at school. Kimber has straight As, Shana won our school’s spelling bee competition, Aja’s science project qualified for the state science fair, and I have a lead part in chorus. We’re all doing amazing things here, but it seems that she’s so pre-occupied with HER own life that she can’t take a minute to acknowledge all of the good that’s going on in ours. 

She leaves tomorrow evening at 8:30pm on a private plane. You know, the kind that fancy, stuck-up people have when they have a lot of money and can afford privileges that common people like me, Daddy, Kimer, Aja, and Shana can’t afford. She said that she chose a late departure to make sure that she’d have the entire day to spend with us. “Whatever you’d like to do, we’ll do it”, she said, “and when I return from my trip, I’ll only do local gigs for the next few months.” 

Those empty, half-hearted promises might be good enough for my sisters, but it’ll NEVER be good enough for me. All of the precious time that she has chosen to spend on her selfishness can never be replaced by endless amounts of time and money spent on gifts, trips to the mall tickets to Disneyland, and superficially written out of pity.


	2. Storm in my Heart

February 1st, 1979

Dear Diary,

It’s 12:30am. It’s way past my bedtime, but I can’t fall asleep. I’m upset, too distraught to go to bed.

Mom left to travel to Great Britain around 8:30. We weren’t able to go out and have a “fun day” like she’d promise because it’s been raining and thundering all day because of the storm. Instead, we spent the day playing games around the house and helping mom pack. Kimber, Shana, and Aja all packed a picture for her to keep during her trip, but once it was time for me to find a picture for her to keep, I refused and told them that there was no point because she doesn’t care about us. They’re so naive for thinking that a picture will make her think about us and want her to come back. 

But I refused to set myself for any additional disappointment that I’ve already experienced. 

We left home to take mom to the airport at 7:30. Benton family car rides are usually accompanied with overlapping laughter and chatter, but tonight we sat in silence, allowing the heavy sounds of rain hitting the car and the harsh clap of thunder and lightning stand as a poor substitute. 

When it was time for mom to board her plane, we walked mom into the airport and waited at the terminal until her flight was called. The rain continued to shower the atmosphere, and by the time we reached the building, we were engulfed in 

“First call for flight 909” the woman next to the terminal announced. We lined up beside the gate in a straight line, almost as if we were in school. One by one, mom hugged each of us: first daddy, then Kimber, Shana, and Aja. When she reached me, I escaped her grasp before she could catch me in her arms.

Mom attempts to step toward me again to touch my shoulder, but I manage to escape her grasp once more and cover my shoulders with my hands, staring hard at the brown and black speckled floor. “What’s wrong sweetheart?” 

“Why do you have to go away all the time?!” I questioned. I didn’t want her to see the tears started to form in my eyes or the shaking. I did y best to make sure she couldn’t see my face.

Mom took a deep breath and bent her tall frame to meet mine. I continued to avoid my mother's eyes, but, by the second, it was getting harder and harder to maintain my abrasive composure. 

“Jerrica, honey, this is my career. I won’t be gone long. You wouldn’t want me to miss my performance, would you?”

My face frowned in confusion. Her performance? Why would she think I even remotely cared about her performances. I’d thought I’d made it crystal clear that was irrelevant to me.  
All I really care about is mom.  
Mom being here with US.  
Mom actually being a MOM, not a pop star.  
But I guess it was too late for that conversation now. 

I finally look up from the strange looking airport floor to finally pair eyes with her.

I was livid. So livid to the point that I was shaking, and the tears began pouring from my eyes. I didn’t think I could be any angrier than I was before, but I surprised myself.

I glared at her harshly andscrramed from the pit of my soul. “If you love me- if you love US, you wouldn’t go!!” I shot at her, pointing at myself and turning towards the rest of the family to remind her of all the people that she’s disappointing. 

We’d caught the attention of a small group of people awaiting their flights with curious eyes. We were all pretty quiet, but I noticed that kimber looked visibly upset. She, to, had tears brimming her eyes, and she was nervously playing with her hair like she does when she’s unhappy. Shana pulled Kimber towards her and held her in a long embrace, trying to console her. 

Mom attempted to walk towards me again, and I finally allowed her to place the pads of her hands on my shoulders.

“I do love you Jerrica, believe me. I love all of you dearly. You all are much more important to me than anything in the world. But right now, I have to do my work. Honey, I’ve got to go. Can I at least have a hug and a kiss?”

I crossed my arms and turned away from her.  
“No.”

“Your attention please: this is the last call for flight 909. I repeat, last call for flight 909.”

The sounds of thunder and raining outside seemed to reflect the shield of anger and frustration that I’d built against my mother to protect myself from the pain that I was feeling from her absence. At this point, mom seemed to have lost her patience with me. And besides, it was time for her to board the plane. 

Mom shook her head, removed her hands from my shoulders, and stood up straight, straightening her business suit with her hands. “I have to go. We’ll talk when I get back.”

Almost late for her flight now, Mom ran towards the gate in long, galloping strides, her legs seeming to barely touch the floor. Her plane was located right in front of the window from which we stood. The rest of my family shuffled toward the window to watch mom board the plane, but I lagged behind in all of my livid, stubborn glory. 

Once mom reached the plane, she walked up the steps and turned towards us, her fluffy, voluminous blond hair now dampened by the violent thunderstorm like a bowl of wet, soggy noodles. Regardless, her rose-colored lipstick and her purple suit with the large, pink bow remained intact. And, above all, she was still beautiful.  
She raised her hand up towards the sky, and waved farewell to us in that elegant, princess-like manner that she seems to have. 

The starlight family waved and wished mom a safe flight to Great Britain. 

The starlight family.

Not me.

I planted my feet firmly into the floor and glared at my mother, my eyes burning holes into her face. 

Her face looked slightly sad as she glanced over to me and noticed that I was the only one that wasn't waving. 

She wasn’t going to get anything out of me. She had made her decision, and she was going to reap the consequences. 

If she can’t show us that she loved us, I’m not going to either. 

And she’ll have to live with that.


	3. Chapter 3

February 1st, 1979

Dear Diary,

I don’t know where to begin, or how to even explain all that’s happened in a little less than a day. 

I don’t even know how I’m writing this. 

Shortly after midnight, we were awakened by the harsh sound of banging on the front door. The starlight mansion is pretty expansive, so it’s usually very common for us to miss someone knocking at the door. This time, however, the banging was not only loud and persistent, but also extremely alarming. Aja, Shana, and I woke up almost immediately, but Kimber was still fast asleep. We heard a lengthy exchange erupt between dad and what sounded like the voice of an unknown man. After a couple of minutes, Shana, Aja, and I decided to creep halfway down the stairs to see what was going on. 

“But what exactly happened? Was it the weather? You have to tell me something, officer!” 

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have any additional information to share at this time. However, I do believe that the news will be covering this story during the 5am news, so you should watch the news to keep up with any developments on the case,” the officer says rapidly in one breath. 

The words officer, case, and incident make Aja shake in fear, and tears fill the brim of her eyes. Shana, being the comforter like she is, pulled Aja towards her in an embrace, just like she had done only hours before with Kimber.   
Shana and Aja formed a tiny puddle at the top of the stairs, but I maintained my composure.

“Officer? Case?? What’s going on, Jerrica? Does this have something to do with your mom?” Shana quipped. 

I didn't say anything, partially because I truly didn’t know what was going on, and also because I didn’t want to show the other girls that I was, in fact, just as terrified as they were when I had spent the whole night sulking in anger and disappointment. 

I didn’t want to care.

I didn’t want to have to care. A huge part of me still wanted to hold on to the anger that I’d felt towards her for choosing her music over us. Besides, this was only just a small accident, right? The officers just wanted to let dad know that mom’s plane was in a bad storm, but everyone’s alright, and mom will come back home when her tour is over and we’ll continue to live life as usual. 

Yep, that was it.  
Instead of rummaging through my brain to come up with a good response, I remained in silence, continuing to blindly stare down the winding staircase.

Dad's voice wavered and shook.   
“I just don’t understand how this could have happened. We all wished her goodbye only a few hours ago. How could she be gone??”

Gone?

This time, I forced my brain to form a rebuttal. A rebuttal that was much more comforting than the one that I’d tried to ignore that was burning in the back of my brain.

Well, of course she was gone, she left home to travel halfway across the world! Why is dad and this strange police man making such a huge deal out of this? And why is there any need to talk about the flight on the news? This is all ridiculous! 

“I’m sorry sir, but at this time, we have no additional information to provide the families of the victims. All families will be contacted when their loved ones are recovered from the crash site.”

And that’s when I knew.

It was real. 

She didn’t make it to Great Britain.

She wasn’t’ even going to come home.

Because she was gone.

Suddenly, I found myself adding to the puddle that my foster sisters had formed only a few minutes ago, enveloped by Shana and Aja. As angry as I was with her, all I’d ever wanted was her love.

And now, it was too late.


End file.
